A personal observation:
I’ve been out a few times in the last week. I admit, I have gotten lax on how I think about the virus, social distancing and how it may be transmitted. What I have noticed about my recent behavior is this: because I was around people who didn’t take social distancing seriously, I gave in to peer pressure. I literally took on a “If you can’t beat them, join them” mentality.
I had been susceptible to peer pressure in the past, as I had a deep desire to fit in during my childhood and early adulthood. In my late twenties, I had an epiphany about myself and worked hard to not give in to the will, desire and pressure of others just to get along with them. I truly felt like I was past this.
Now I see that I still need healing and work in the area of rejection. I want to be accepted and loved. Who doesn’t? Yet, the longing to be embraced and not ostracized by others cannot supersede the wisdom, counsel and obedience to the Word of the Lord that has been given to me to follow.
Peer pressure, even when it is well meaning, can be a trigger for some of us. In our efforts to please “you”, we lose ourselves to your will. In our heart, we know better but because we don’t want to experience your rejection, criticism or judgment, we give in to your insistence that “it’s okay”. My desire for a hug cannot outweigh the conventional wisdom of social distancing, wearing PPE and observing CDC guidelines. Yet it did. This past week, it did.
This is not fear talking. Rather it is wisdom speaking. I cannot afford to give in to my craving to hug people right now, especially my grandchildren. And I cannot allow myself to become lackadaisical in my thinking or actions. All of us are susceptible to this virus but the children and the elders are especially vulnerable. I do not want my actions (as well-intended as they may be) to be the reason why they are infected and affected.
I live with people who are essential workers. Although I have (for the most part) been inside, they haven’t. They’ve been tested for the virus and come back negative. But a negative today does not negate the possibility for a positive tomorrow. I’ve been in stores where people were NOT practicing social distancing. Only heaven knows where and what people have been exposed to. My diligence in protecting myself does not extend beyond me. I’m careful but what if my fellow shopper was careless? I have to think about my mother, daughters, grands and even MYSELF. “I love you” does NOT kill the virus! In other words, just because I have a relation or relationship with you does not make me or you exempt from contracting the disease. The HIV/AIDS epidemic should have taught us that.
Well, Holy Spirit has had a conversation with me this morning concerning my behavior. He is dealing with me and helping me correct some crooked paths. I HAVE been willing to do some things that He expressly told me not to do, just because I didn’t want to hurt someone else’s feelings or “not show up”. I allowed what was happening around me to negatively influence me and give in to the “need” to be around. And I gave in to being physically interactive with loved ones because I missed them terribly. Rejection and peer pressure will no longer be a driving force in my life. So, effective immediately, until I can truly practice what I’ve been preaching, I’m not going out again. Unless I can have the strength to give a “No” when necessary, I will be in this house letting God purge me of the need to please and appease other people. And furthermore, I will not be attending any place where the discipline of following the CDC guidelines cannot or will not be followed.
I truly love you all and wish I could give you all a big, Holy Spirit filled hug right now. But I will not. Until I get some discipline and control over myself and deal with the spirits of rejection and peer pressure, I’m out.
Now how do you do that Instacart thing again ….
